Pride can be a good thing when it’s about self-respect or being satisfied with a job well done, but we all know that pride has a dark side. We’ve seen it in ourselves and in others. The Bible tells us that the first sin ever committed was the sin of pride. An archangel named Lucifer became so full of himself that he wanted to be like God. He recruited followers and a third of of God’s angels swore their allegiance to him. Not content to lead a large rebel force of angels, the chief demon turned his attention to the first man and woman. He came alongside Eve and whispered, God knows that your eyes will be opened when you eat the fruit of the tree. You will become just like God–knowing everything, both good and evil.

The Devil effectively appealed to Eve’s pride, and he’s been effectively appealing to humankind’s pride ever since. It’s not hard to recognize in ourselves. The sin of pride has three basic characteristics:

• The most visible is vanity, a preoccupation with our appearance. We may not worship the mirror, but we devote a lot of attention to it.
• Beneath vanity lies a second characteristic of prideful people: stubbornness. Stubbornness causes us to shun correction. When someone points out an error, we evade or deny or blame someone else. This kind of defensiveness is particularly hard for God to penetrate.
• But there is a third dimension of pride that is even more dangerous. It can be summed up in the word exclusion. Pride is a choice to exclude God and people from their rightful place in our hearts.

Jesus said that the essence of a Christian lifestyle is to love God and to love others, but pride destroys our capacity to love. Ask yourself:

• How often do I tend to judge or condemn people rather than love them?
• How many times has my pride caused me to exclude someone rather than to embrace them?
• How often do I compare myself to others?

Jesus often talked about how pride impacts our relationship with God. He once told the story of two men who happened to be praying to God at the same time. One was a very religious man who compared himself to others and thanked God for making him superior to the people around him. The second man was a despised tax collector. In his prayer he acknowledged his sins and begged God to forgive him. Jesus said that it was the second man who went home reconciled with God. The proud will be humbled, and the humble will be honored.

Do you agree with Jesus that humility brings honor and pride leads to grief? Most of us don’t. We’ve been raised in a culture that has taught us from birth that the opposite is true. And when we look around, our eyes confirm what we’ve been taught. We don’t see the humble being honored–we see the proud being honored.

But perhaps we’re missing Jesus’s point. Perhaps the better question to ask is, “Who do I want to be honored by?” And if what’s most important to you is being honored by the people around you, then feel free to ignore Jesus’s words, because the honor he is talking about comes from God, not people.

But even for those of us who value humility, it’s hard not to give into pride. That’s because it takes many forms, and often it’s when we think we’ve got pride licked that it controls us in the worst way.

Let me give you an example. Occasionally I go on a diet, and what I’ve noticed is that after I’ve been on the diet for a day or two, I start looking at people differently. I see them stuffing their face with sweets and junk food, and I ask myself, “how could they do that to themselves? Have they no self restraint? Don’t they know that their body is the temple of the Holy Spirit?”

I get these kinds of thoughts even though these people are eating the same things I ate yesterday before I went on the diet, and the same things I’ll be eating again next week when I drop the diet. Which brings me to my problem: when I try to do good, I am intensely aware of everyone around me who is not putting out the same effort, and I silently (and sometimes not so silently) judge them.

Let me leave you with a thought that I hope you will take time to reflect on this week–a lesson I had to learn the hard way. Jesus once told the story of a prodigal son and his legalistic elder brother. What I’ve learned is that one of life’s greatest challenges is to stop being the prodigal son without turning into the elder brother. 

James, the half-brother of Jesus, wrote a letter that identified the source of humankind’s challenges and how to overcome them. “If any of you lacks wisdom,” James says, “he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does” (1:5-8).

God says that our problems come when we are unclear about our identity in Christ. We become double-minded–pulled in two directions at the same time. Ever felt that way? James says that double-mindedness makes us unstable” (NIV, other versions translate the word “confused”). I can relate to the feeling! We try to process whatever information we have to make the big decision, only to find ourselves pulled in two (or more!) directions. And confusion is always the result.

In my life, the instability and confusion have tended to show up biggest in three areas.

• Often the first to appear is a diminishing spiritual life. I become too busy to pray and spend time with God and his Word.
• This invariably leads to unsteady emotions–a mix of pride, anger, hurt, guilt, remorse, and a lot more. James would say of me, “He is unstable in all he does.”
• When I’m unstable spiritually and emotionally, a third thing is likely to happen. My unstable spirit and emotions will leak their toxins into my relationships with family, friends, and workmates.

What I’ve learned the hard way is this: instability robs us of God’s fullest blessings. Double-mindedness causes us to live a double life–we act one way in one environment, but a different way in another. For example, we are one person when worshiping on Sundays, but a different person when driving home. In Pilgrims Progress, there is a character named Mr. Facing-Both-Ways. That is us when we try to do God’s will and ours at the same time.

James 1:5 tells us how to avoid the heartache and misery that comes with living a double life. He says we are to turn to God. We need knowledge (the possession of facts), but more importantly, we need the wisdom to apply that knowledge. And this kind of wisdom is not something we are born with. We become wise by asking God to make us wise and participating in the process he prescribes.

All of us have heard spectacular stories of people who had a spiritual experience that totally changed their life. The story of Virginia Lively is a good example: Virginia had an experience where she wept uncontrollably for four days and nights. Then she saw a white light, and in the light was a face with eyes that looked deep within her and loved her and forgave her. She understood this to be Jesus. This went on for three months. Then the face began to fade, but told her that he would always be with her. She asked how, and she was told she would be able to see him. Several years later while speaking to a group, Virginia saw the eyes of Jesus looking at her again, only this time it was through a woman in the second row. Then, as she was trying to process this, she suddenly saw his eyes looking into hers from everyone in the room.

That’s an incredible story. Did it really happen that way? I have no idea, but that is a question we always need to ask when we hear about the supernatural, because Satan likes to dress as an angel of light. On the other hand, the reason Satan disguises himself like that is because God has shown himself that way to people in the past. The Bible mentions several ways God has communicated with people throughout history:

• One way God has spoken to humankind is through angels. There are many examples, including the bookends of Jesus’s life. We find angels proclaiming God’s message at both the manger and the tomb. The Book of Hebrews suggests that some of us have personally talked with angels, though unaware of it.
• Another way God has communicated with us is through dreams and visions. Jacob dreamed a stairway to heaven and Paul had a vision of a Macedonian inviting him to come minister in Greece. Perhaps the most well known are those recorded in the Book of Revelation, a wonderful and terrifying series of visions describing the end of the old world and the creation of a new earth.
• Still another way God has spoken to us is by means of an audible voice. God walked and talked with Adam and Eve in the afternoons, and He spoke to Moses from a burning bush, to Jesus at his baptism, and to Saul while on the road to Damascus.

An audible voice, dreams, visions, and angels–God has used these forms of communication throughout history. Yet I have never once heard even one word from God by any of those means! What is wrong with me? Well, we don’t have time to answer that question here, but I know I’m not alone in this. Most of us have never been aware of God sending us messages via angels or visions or talking bushes or voices from heaven.

So are we deprived of God’s voice speaking to us today? No, thank God. Otherwise millions would never hear about Christ Jesus. The good news is that while few of us visit with angels or hear from God via bushes or visions, we all get to hear God in two ways that are much better: He speaks to us through other people, and He speaks directly to our spirit with his Spirit.

The first way is, by far, God’s favorite way to communicate with us: he loves to speak to us is through one another. The Holy Spirit uses the personality, vocabulary, passion, etc. of whomever He indwells to share the message of Christ. This is how we got the Bible. In the first chapter of 2 Peter we learn that “holy men spoke as they were carried along by the Spirit.”

Why is this God’s favorite way to communicate with us? Well, think about what God wants to see happen–He wants us to join him as friends and co-laborers in the kingdom of heaven. Given His goal is an ever deepening relationship with us, it makes perfect sense that His primary form of communication with us would be intimate and personal.

God’s favorite way of speaking externally to us is through others, but he is also fond of communicating internally with us in what 1 Kings 19 describes as “a still small voice.” What is this still small voice? It is our own human spirit reflecting the Spirit of God. We read in Proverbs 20:27 that, “The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the innermost parts of his being.”

The word translated “spirit” in this verse is the Hebrew word, neshamah, which literally means “breath.” The neshamah is that inner spiritual part of human life that makes us into spiritual beings with moral, intellectual and spiritual capacities. This spiritual nature includes the capacity to know and please God. It serves as the functioning conscience (the metaphor of the lamp). The point is further developed in the second part of the verse: this searching makes it possible for people to come to know themselves. God’s lamp will reveal everything about us–the innermost parts of our being.

As we grow in grace, God’s laws increasingly form the foundation of our lives; His loves become our loves, his faith our faith, and we get what the Apostle Paul called “the mind of Christ” (prayerfully read 1 Corinthians 2:1-16 for God’s perspective on this).

Through the Holy Spirit, believers can begin to know God’s thoughts about things, talk with Him, and expect answers to their prayers! What is that still small voice telling you to do these days?

Some interesting statistics about anger: Men lose their temper twice as often as women (men an average of six times a week, women, three). Women are more often angry at people, while men usually become angry with things (tools, delays, etc.). Single adults are likely to get angry twice as often as marrieds. The most common place for people to get angry? Home. The most likely recipients of that anger? You guessed it, the people we love the most.

Given the stakes, we would be wise to consider the Bible’s seven-step plan for dealing with anger in a constructive way:

Step #1: I must understand why I get angry. Proverbs 19:11 says, “A person’s wisdom gives them patience…” The better I understand myself and others, the better I will be able to control my anger. Why? Because anger is never the real problem; it’s an indicator of something much deeper that is wrong. Typically, there are three causes for anger:

• First, we get angry when we’ve been hurt. Our natural response will be to lash back, which is why conflict escalates so rapidly. 
• A second underlying cause of anger is frustration. When things don’t happen according to our timetable, it’s easy to lose our patience and get angry. Think about how you felt the last time you were in a traffic jam or had to wait in a long line.   
• A third common cause of anger is insecurity. We get angry when we feel threatened, which is why we want to avoid backing an animal (or a person!) into a corner.

The first step to dealing with anger constructively is to ask yourself why you are feeling angry. Once we identify the cause, we can begin to formulate a plan to remove it.

Step #2 in an effective anger management plan: I must look to God for my self-worth–not other people. A sense of self-worth is essential to controlling anger. Why? It goes back to the third reason people get angry. Insecure people are easily angered; confident people are not. When we depend upon others to define our value and they put us down, we feel insecure and angry, but when our sense of self-worth comes from God, we can handle the hurts and frustrations that come our way.  The place to discover our value is not in a human-authored, self-centered philosophy, but in a personal relationship with God. It is only there that we come to realize that our value as a person is not tied to what others think of us, but to what God thinks of us. Proverbs 14:26 tells us, “Reverence for the Lord gives confidence and security…” 

Step #3:  I need to stop and think before I react. Ever notice that when you get angry your mouth runs faster than your mind? I’ve learned the hard way that a sharp tongue is the quickest way to cut my throat. Proverbs 13:16 says, “Sensible people always think before they act,” and the key word in anger management is think. How many times have you said something, only to ask yourself a few minutes later, “Why in the world did I say that?”     

And to those who say, “This all sounds nice, but when I’m angry, I can’t control my temper…” Yes, you can! Here’s proof: think about a time when you were at home having a shouting match with a loved one. You were stewing and spewing and out of control. Then the phone rang. You picked up the phone and said, “Hellooo…” in your sweetest voice.

Why did you change when you answered the phone? Because you wanted to change. Anger is a choice! Events and other people don’t make us angry–we make ourselves angry. That’s essential to understand if we want to break free of a bad temper. Let me say it again: events and other people don’t make us angry–we make ourselves angry.            

Step #4: I need to count the cost of uncontrolled anger. There’s always a price tag for losing our temper. The Book of Proverbs says: “A hot-tempered person starts fights and gets into all kinds of trouble” (29:22).  “Anger causes mistakes” (14:29). “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left” (11:29). We could continue to quote Scriptures, but here’s the point: Whenever I lose my temper… I lose.

Step #5: I must learn to relax.  Proverbs 14:30 says,  “A relaxed attitude lengthens a person’s life.” Have you noticed that when you’re uptight you’re more prone to anger? Temper and tension always go together. If you want to reduce your anger, slow down. Schedule things into your day that are relaxing. Learn to lighten up and have some fun.

Step #6: I must release my anger appropriately. Some people think that we have a certain amount of anger and that if we can get it out–if we can vent it–we will feel better. Various methods (e.g., Primal Scream Therapy) have been introduced to accomplish this venting. There’s only one problem–it doesn’t work. Why? Because we don’t have just a certain amount of anger in us; we are factories. We just keep on producing it. Study after study has proven that aggression only produces more aggression–anger feeds on anger.

The only appropriate way of releasing our anger is to confess it in a way that avoids the negative actions that will further damage our relationships. We move in that direction by taking the seventh and most important step in anger management: We must re-pattern our mind. Romans 12:2 says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The way I think determines the way I feel, and the way I feel determines the way I act. If I’m acting angry, it’s because I’m feeling angry, and if I’m feeling angry, it’s because I’m thinking angry thoughts.

Where do these angry thoughts come from? What we allow into our minds. We live in a culture that constantly teaches us inappropriate ways to deal with anger. If you doubt that, turn on your TV tonight and do a little channel surfing; notice how anger is dealt with: You’ll see anger lead someone to use a gun or beat someone up or say something cruel, and we are being programmed to think this way ourselves. Anyone who says that the media does not influence our thinking is either naive or dishonest. For better or worse, what we read, watch and listen to affects us.

Now the good news: since anger is a learned response, it can be unlearned. How? By re-patterning our mind with truth. If we are serious about managing our anger, here’s something simple we can do immediately that will have positive results: we can be more discriminating in what we allow into our mind (movies, internet, TV, books, magazines, games, radio). When we turn our thoughts to things that are positive and God-honoring and avoid those which are not, our temperament will be changed.

…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9 (NIV)